oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
