Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
