So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
