Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
