Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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