: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
