she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
