I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
