drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize