am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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