Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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