i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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