Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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