They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
