Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
