that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
