Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just gargled with NyQuil
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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