I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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