you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
