This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His hands were made for my vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
