We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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