That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
