you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
