he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i dont even know how to be here
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
