I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my liver is dry heaving
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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