You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
