dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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