I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
