if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize