my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
