Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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