1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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