Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
