Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
