I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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