make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
