Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
