we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
