wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
did i walk over a car last night?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
