im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
