he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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