He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
