After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
