It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
