Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
