it hurts more in the daytime
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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