Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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