i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
