I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
