I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
