You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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