Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
