playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
