it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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