I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
