just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
