as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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