you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
