That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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