3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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