I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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