god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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