I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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