awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize