We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
