for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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