as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
