I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
