everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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