She's JV to your varsity
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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