I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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