Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
