I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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