I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
