i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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