Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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