Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
