drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize